When your morning is a colleague’s nighttime, building rhythms that keep everyone on track is a tricky puzzle. And while we’re all used to — and even cheery — with our new commute times and standards of “workday professional dress,” there’s a problem…
We’re mostly not very good at communicating with one another online.
Body language constitutes ~70% of the information we communicate in-person (depending on who you ask). We’re missing a lot of information, so it’s no wonder asynch communication can confound, frustrate, and slow us down.
But in this article, we’ll cover actionable etiquette, “cultural norms,” and strategies we can use to speak more effectively across time zones.
“If there’s any theory of remote communication, it’s to make it as similar to in-real-life conversations as possible.”
Benefits of Remote Communication
Before we consider how to improve, let’s briefly cover where remote communication is actually an advantage over a traditional in-office environment.
Working remotely forces us to set timelines that actually make sense, communicate proactively, and solve problems before involving an outside party.
If your 9am is someone else’s 6pm, talented communicators will save time by eliminating unnecessary back-and-forth exchanges.
In this environment, you likely won’t receive an answer for 12-24 hours. That means thinking through problems in advance, and ensuring your messages are clear and concise, are key.
Do that? Life gets easier for clients, vendors, and employees alike.
Common Missteps Across Communication Channels
Making online communication feel like real life isn’t… easy… but a worthwhile imitation is possible, and a valuable skill to cultivate.
To begin, where you’re talking matters.
Set and setting inform etiquette, norms, and communication practices. After all, personal phone numbers are considerably more intimate than LinkedIn DMs, and your friends’ only group chat is more candid and carefree than an email chain ccing direct reports.
Right?
Here’s some architectural information to get us started.
| Channel | “IRL-ness” | Common Missteps |
| Low. Formal tone, usually | Walls of text that take mental bandwidth to decipher. CCing too many people. Using it for emotionally charged or time-sensitive issues. | |
| Text | Medium. It’s a text-only format, missing key body language information, but personal cell phone numbers are usually private. If you have it, you’re more than just somebody you met online. | Blurring urgency with convenience. Assuming availability outside of work hours. Unformatted walls of text. Not using emojis to convey emotional context clues. Double, triple, or quadruple texting. |
| Personal Cell Phone Call | High. Voice conveys key context clues, and if you have permission to call someone spontaneously, it usually means you’re a trusted friend, colleague, or family member | Gen A and millennials are sometimes averse to unexpected phone calls, and are easy to catch off guard. Dominating conversations and being difficult to end phone calls with |
| 1:1 Video Call (scheduled) | High. Both vocal and visual cues are on display. This is the closest we can get to mimicking real-life interactions online | Booking a call when an email would have been sufficient |
| Voicemail | Medium-high. Your voice carries crucial context clues, and it’s often faster to communicate and/or listen than write/read. | Long voicemails are unwieldy. Avoid leaving messages any longer than 5 minutes, and ideally, shoot for 1-2 maximum. |
| Slack Channel / Similar Groupchat | Low. You’re likely in a room with a team of people you’re familiar with, and groupchats are a great way to stay tuned in with what the organization is up to. | Spamming the chat with unrelated information or using the public venue to criticize colleagues (save this for private conversations) |
| DMs in Slack / LinkedIn / or Other Spaces | Low. DMs are text messages, but reserved for folks you’re less personally acquainted with. These conversations will move to email or personal text inboxes as your professional relationship grows. | Sending walls of text, especially with new acquaintances, can dissuade replies. Ending conversations on a conclusory note, rather than a followup question, can lead conversations to stall. |
Assume Positive Intent (Especially Over Text)
Ever feel like someone is upset with you, but aren’t quite sure?
Whether over email, text, DM, or Slack, situations where we’re missing facial expressions or vocal cues are ripe for misunderstandings. Our brains are very quick to fill in gaps, but without all the information, often do so incorrectly.
Short replies might feel dismissive.
Delayed responses can feel like avoidance.
And neutrally worded statements can sound cold or even passive-aggressive, even when the sender didn’t intend to send those signals.
Assuming positive intent interrupts that spiral.
Instead of thinking “what’s wrong?” a better question might be “what might I be missing?” Reframing away from defensiveness, and toward curiosity, will go a long way toward preventing miscommunications and hurt feelings.
If something feels off? Move to a call, voicemail, or screenshare. You’ll have more context clues, and “gut feelings” about how others feel will be more accurate than over text.
How to Intentionally Convey Positive Intent Over Text
Emojis aren’t unprofessional. They’re emotional breadcrumbs and worthwhile tonal markers to include in your messages.
- To soften a text, use a 🙂, and turn stern-sounding directives into requests.
- To acknowledge, use 👀(looking), ✅ (done), 🙌 (great job) instead of a 👍. The thumbs-up emoji can be taken passively-aggressively, especially by younger generations.
- Unsure which emoji to choose? Mirror your conversation partner.
Just like in a sales setting, where business development reps are trained to match a prospect’s body language, copy how others use emojis. Anything they use in a chat is fair game for you to do so as well.
Generational Translation Guide
Have you ever said, “oh that must be a generational divide thing” before? After a major/minor miscommunication?
Then this section is for you. In general…
- Baby Boomers and Gen X grew up with corded telephones, and were at least 30 when they heard their first dial-up modem symphonies. They’re comfortable picking up the phone, and consider email a better communication channel than a social media DM or Slack group chat.
Younger folks, don’t expect much over text. Messages will likely be short.
If you have a negative emotional reaction, or perceive aggression coming through this medium, don’t trust that feeling until you’ve had a real conversation.
- Millennials and Gen Z grew up online. We’re most comfortable with text messages, and often send walls of information through the phone.
Calls, especially unannounced, can be alarming or anxiety-inducing.
We’re also quick to process information (we grew up with hyper-engaging short-form media), so the pace of face-to-face communication can be frustratingly slow at times.
A Practical Takeaway for Business Owners
Communication friction shows up on your bottom line in very real ways.
- Projects that take too long
- Misunderstanding that can erode trust
- Team members who feel unsure, or hesitate to speak and take initiative
So, here’s a simple takeaway to hold onto.
Evaluate how your teammates communicate across digital platforms.
Could that meeting have been an email? Is that email succinct, or written in ways readers may miss key details? And for more seasoned hands, have you adapted to the new (emoji, and meme) lexicon?
In an asynchronous work world, better digital communication is a soft skill worth investing in.
